God is working fast and furious on me. The lessons just keep coming. An attitude that I have been convicted of lately is my approach to home schooling Connor amidst my normal life. The ways I have been convicted are multiple.
Realizing the only things on my blog are exercise and reading challenge updates. It is a benefit that with the EMBA program I have free time, and reading is a good thing. But the issue during the EMBA program was that I had to do my own homework and didn’t have time to sit there patiently watching him do his. Now I do have that time.
Then there is the form of my complaints to Anthony when he suggests that if Connor doesn’t get his work done during the day then he just has to skip evening events to do it – but they are usually my events, not Connor’s so who is being punished?
I had a discussion with another home school mom this Sunday and was talking about the same thing, that I am the one who has to give up activities in order to spend the time sitting over Connor when he won’t do the work on his own. Yep, this isn’t fair but as I have told him many times, life isn’t fair. That isn’t what it’s about.
Then blog entries like this one about RESPECT and servanthood cut to the bone. She speaks straight to my issue, and I don’t have triplets, just one 14 year old who needs and deserves my love and care at this time of his life. He won’t be here forever.
Then last night a friend was asking how things are going with Connor and his schooling and I hesitated over my answer. The easy answer is that he’s a 14 year old boy (and these were friends who had boys so they really understand that). But the full answer is that I am still struggling with the sacrifices I need to make to do what needs to be done. My friend understood that, she didn’t excuse me or try to tell me I didn’t have to do all of this, she just nodded understanding that I had to deal with it.
So, I can sit here and whine, or stick my head in another book and ignore it, or I can decide that God’s glory is worth more than my petty needs and wants and I can suck it up and make the sacrifice. Connor is funny and smart and will one day be out of my house. I will never regret this decision.
When we first decided to have Connor come stay with us, my Mom’s concern was that I would miss out on things, that I was using some of the best years of my life to work with Connor rather than enjoy my life. I understood her concern but couldn’t live with what would be the result, to sacrifice Connor to worldly things for my life. I need to remember that and stand by it.
I’m going to tell you a little secret, because, I think, at this point you need to hear it.
Last year, I was seriously struggling. Being a Mom was killing me, but being a homeschooler too just made me feel insane. The needs of others were CONSTANT, and absolutely no-one but me, it felt, seemed to care about my needs.
And then a lovely lady popped over at my blog, so I had to check out hers, and this person was just taking on homeschooling her NEPHEW! *ahem*
And it helped bring home perspective that I needed from a voice that I was willing to listen too. (Because I will admit that I believe Someone else was trying to bang some perspective into my noggin, but I wasn’t willing to listen to Him.)
You are a wise lady to “listen” so readily.
Christine’s last blog post..And I find myself having to say. . .