One thing David told the school counselor that first Friday after he left was that he and Alison were best friends. Alison agrees completely with that part, even if the rest of what he said doesn’t make sense.
Alison keeps saying that she misses Dave. She misses hearing him sing in the shower, trying to move around him in the kitchen, just knowing he is there. He would play lego with the boys in the morning before school or in the evening before bed. He would rub her knee when the arthritis flared up. He would rub her back when it ached, and hold her close while they slept. Just seeing him look across the room and even wink at her – she misses all of it. She misses hearing his voice.
Today while we were hanging around our house, Anthony kicked back and took a nap, which means he snored. That’s a familiar noise and the sound made Alison miss Dave even more. We have photos for the screen saver on the family computer here and we keep seeing photos of David with the kids and of their wedding. It is so nice to see the pictures of happier times, but it also feeds the question again “why is he doing this?”
I am growing a new and deeper appreciation of my husband through this. Sure, some of the things he does annoy me or even frustrate me, but under and around and through all that I do love him. I love hearing his voice, seeing him talk to someone, or help someone, or even napping on the couch. I know that anything I face he’ll be there with me, with words and actions and just his presence.
Alison is facing an incredibly hard time and she is having to do it without her best friend. The second hardest part of this, after not really understanding why Dave is doing this, is that she doesn’t have Dave’s support and encouragement and help.
As I have spent time at Alison’s house, I have missed having my husband nearby, but at least I knew he was still my husband, taking care of things at our house, and just a phone call, email, or text away until the next time we could be together. Alison has lost that, and it looks like it is a permanent loss. Right now communication between Alison and Dave is rare, formal, and focused on a specific subject. He doesn’t call her by name in the emails, and he doesn’t refer to her or her feelings or what she is going through. She has reread the text messages they exchanged from a few weeks before he left, and that is the last time she’ll ever have him tell her he loves her. Those impromptu conversations and expressions of love are ended, they won’t happen again.
Each time they communicate now, or the lawyers communicate, or the boys mention their Dad, or a friend asks how she’s holding up, it brings all the pain back to the front again. And with all of that is the question of whether Dave is missing his best friend. When he came to pick up the boys for the visit, did he avoid looking at Alison because he knew it would hurt to see her and not be able to talk to her? Or was it guilt that he is hurting her so deeply with his actions? Or because it’s easier to not get into the emotional side of this and just do the practical?
Where is Dave and what is he thinking?