I have a need to be understood. And when I am misunderstood, I am very frustrated and hurt. The level of hurt depends on the person misunderstanding me, but it is always painful.
One of the few plot points that most aggravates me in a book or movie is the bad guy who misinterprets the hero’s motivations because he assumes the hero is as selfish and self-centered as he is. I much prefer a bad guy who is at least mature enough to realize not everyone has his same perspective.
This need for understanding goes both ways. I am frustrated and confused when I can’t figure out why someone I know and care about is doing something harmful. I want communication so we can figure it out. It may not be a good reason, but I’m ok with that. If I can just know what it is.
I guess all of this means that refusing to talk with me and explain why you are doing something, or repeatedly misunderstanding and misinterpreting my actions without trying to understand my reasons are the best ways to cause me distress and pain.