This won’t surprise most people, I admit that I am an introvert. Last year I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain. And I enjoy reading Tim Challies who has reviewed Quiet and has a few other things to say about introverts. This blog post by him is about a scene that is also described in Susan Cain’s book, and one I read with laughter and complete understanding. (And lived this August when we were at Brooklyn Tabernacle for worship one Sunday.)
And in many ways my blog post today is just a big “me too”. I was talking with a friend today about how different I am from 20 years ago, or 30 years ago. (School is hard, and it’s a little bit harder as an introvert.) We talked about why I changed. I mentioned the people I thought had influenced me. First is my husband. By giving me a safe haven in a solid marriage for 20 years, he convinced me, slowly but surely, that I could let my guard down a bit, step outside my comfort zone, and be safe. To this day, he still is alert that I’m likely to be ready to leave the party or group event long before he is. We laugh at times when he admits “we stayed longer than I expected tonight.” I haven’t been easy for him to convince, but he’s just been patient and steady.
Another person who has influenced me greatly is my best friend of the last several years. She’s an extrovert and comfortable in her skin. She’s pushed me outside my comfort zone a number of times, but she’s right there at my side when she does it. I’ve learned a lot from watching her.
I also have to admit that I’ve had some very good friends and neighbors for the past 15 years or so. I’ve felt safe to change and try things and go back even when I didn’t do something right.
Because, that’s what is behind most of my introversion. I’m afraid of failure, because when I fail I cry and get upset, and I cannot seem to control that. It’s much much safer to just not be in a position where I could fail. I blush at the drop of a hat. Having all attention on me, even when telling a story to friends, still brings a deep blush to my face. Definitely easier to not tell stories or speak up or have attention on me ever, for any reason. 🙂
And yet, I’ve never been happy as an introvert. Or maybe it’s really that I’ve never been happy being afraid of blushing, crying, or messing up. There is a song popular on the radio right now about the Cool Kids.
I wish that I could be like the cool kids
‘Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kidsRead more: Echosmith – Cool Kids Lyrics | MetroLyrics
That’s what I always envied. People who seemed to know what to say or do, and even if things didn’t go right, they didn’t have to fight tears or blush deeper at the realization they were blushing.
Anyway, where I was going when I started thinking about this blog post, is that I’ve gotten better at some things. The tears don’t come quite as easily and most of the time I ignore the hint of a blush so it doesn’t get deeper. I’ve learned (often) to laugh at myself or the situation and keep going.
I never had much patience with myself as a shy, quiet, and “fragile” person who could get upset so easily. And while I try to remember that I was, and sometimes still am, just like that. I am not always patient with other people who are that way. I work to be merciful and full of grace for those who are introverts and who struggle to interact with others and figure out how to handle attention.
But I also wish I could go back to my middle-school and high-school self and shake me a little bit. Remind me that I’m not the center of the universe and too much of my introversion or shyness is really self-centeredness.
Ah well, those are my rambling thoughts for today.
Some resources I’ve come across lately:
David Murray entry on a book by Bill Hybels called Simplify: Ten Practices to Unclutter Your Soul. Energy levels, friendships, scheduling are the key subjects David pulls out.
A mom over at Lots of Scotts talked about service and doing things that aren’t specific to our gift set or even seen as critical and important. And yet they are necessary. “Somebody has to blow up the kick balls.” She has some good thoughts on the fact that most of our day is not spent in the sweet spot, but doing the stuff that just has to get done.
This summer I read What’s Best Next by Matt Perman. Some interesting thoughts about getting things done and how the gospel should transform what we do and how we do it.
A blog article about that book actually led me to The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris. The first half was stronger than the second half, but it really spoke to me and introduced the term “acedia” which describes where I was a two years ago in some languor or lassitude funk.
Like everyone else this year, I read Crazy Busy by Kevin DeYoung. Some good thoughts about prioritizing. Similar to What’s Best Next and The ONE Thing in that you have to know what you are here for and make sure that’s what you spend your time and energy on.
Early this morning while trying to get back to sleep, I started reading another book, The ONE Thing by Gary Keller.And of course it has an article about multitasking not being good. I have talked about that in the past, too. And as I’ve aged 2 years since then, I have to admit that multitasking wears me out and I’m not that good at it. But I can’t figure out how to do my job without it. Interrupt driven is the other popular term these days. I can’t finish one thing before I have to go to the next meeting or answer the next instant message. Or I get off a meeting to find I got 25 emails while I was on the phone. I look forward to seeing what the rest of this book has to say.
Then there was this blog post about stay at home moms and complaining.
And this article about why we should stop saying we’re busy. It’s focused on the work environment, but the concept is still true.
_____________________
I have a few thoughts go through my head when I think about this. Why am I so busy should really lead me to ask Am I that busy?
I can list out all the things I do, but the I can never identify any that I want to stop doing. I can have weeks that seem like I have something to do every single night. But they are good things that keep me with friends, held accountable, having fun, and in the Word. What’s to complain about? That I didn’t get to sit at home and read a pointless novel?
The other side of that, is that I do need time to think these things through. What’s the point to reading all those books or articles if I never actually do anything with what I read? I need to test theories, meditate on revelations, maybe even write a blog article or newsletter article. 🙂
I had yet another full weekend planned. Dinner with friends and a Presbyterial meeting. But always remember it happens as God wills. He decided to change my plans. I ended up canceling the dinner and missing the Presbyterial meeting, and then having the energy and time to do other things I had been trying to get to. Most of the time, God lets my plans run as I expect, I think I’m using wisdom in making those plans. But this was a reminder that when I tell God “I don’t have time for…” some issue, He can make the time. And I’m glad I slowed down and accepted His timing this weekend.
Let’s start with the bad news. You are a sinner, who sins. It’s easier to sin than to do right. And you cannot do anything to save yourself. I’ve used the term before, we are not just insufficient, we are non-sufficient. We are completely incapable of saving ourselves. We can’t even sort of help to save ourselves. We bring such negatives to the field that we move further away from being saved in ourselves.
The good news is really great news. There is a Savior who can completely save us. Christ died to pay for our sins, He took our sins upon himself. He lived a completely righteous life of perfection and that righteousness is imputed to us. Our sin is paid for, and we get the credit of His rightousness. How wonderful is that!
As great as that news is, we are still here in this Fallen world surrounded by the effects of that Fall as others sin, as we continue to sin, and illness and pain fill our lives and those of our loved ones. The goal of this life is not happiness. Living a life of faith in Christ as our Savior is not a one-time victory that we win and then have a life of ease and pleasure for the rest of our days. The goal isn’t complete success and decisive victory here in this life. If that were the goal, that is what God would do in us. But He doesn’t do it that way. He calls us to live out our faith day after day.
James 1:2-4 tells us “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
We also see the concept of being perfect in Hebrews 2:10
For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering.
Hebrews 5:8-9 and Hebrews 7:28 also mention this concept of Jesus being made perfect through sufferings. Yet we know Christ was perfect and had no sin in Him. What does perfect mean for Him?According to Merriam Webster perfect is defined as satisfying all requirements – accurate. Lacking in no essential detail – complete. One definition (mentioned as obsolete) said certain, sure, contented, satisfied.
Christ fulfilled His purpose in all that He did and experienced, including suffering and trials. We certainly need to be made perfect in that we need to be changed, transformed to be righteous and conformed to the image of Christ. But we also are made perfect in persevering, trusting God’s promises in all circumstances. We fill our purpose and meet the goal set for us.
How do we do this? How do we meet trials and have our faith tested? We must have faith, and we must have that faith strengthened. Faith in what? In our Savior, Jesus Christ, who then indwells us and strengthens us and grows our faith. The next verse in James shows us how to meet trials, and identifies what we might lack and need to gain to be perfect and complete. James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Wisdom is knowledge of what is proper or reasonable; good sense or judgment. Wisdom is also personified in the Bible and often refers to Jesus himself. Our faith in Christ, reading His Word, meditating on what He teaches us change our perspective, the way we view reality. We need this perspective to understand and remember our purpose, to change how we view trials, and how we view the promises of the sovereign God so when our faith is tested we are steadfast and grow in perseverance. So we can be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
First published in the Fall 2014 Newsletter at HARP.
From Pastor Lee, with love
For a few months Pastor Lee preached from 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. His sermons started with the point that we need a better understanding of what love is and the need to be intentional about it. We use the word too often and too glibly. I admit, I love my refrigerator. But Lee encouraged us to rethink the phrases we use so we don’t overuse the word love and lose sight of what an amazing thing love is. We are trying to do this in our house.
Then he showed that we should want Christ and the love of Christ more than anything else. Without that we are nothing. If we do lots of good things but with the wrong attitude or motivation, it is still nothing. Like parenting in the pew, it matters that we do it the right way – not with an “attitude”.
His next sermons demonstrated that to love well we need humility and patience. I noted that he said “how dare we be defeatists about love.” No, we can’t do this in ourselves but we do this in Christ. Through Him and with His love, we can serve others without worrying about what we need or losing patience. I should be humbled by what I have received from God.
He mentioned that when revenues are down, we cut expenses. But the reverse is true with love. When we are getting less love we are called to be merciful and gracious and give love, and in abundance. I know this is not my natural tendency. I can hold a grudge, and if I’m snubbed I want to snub back to make sure it’s clear I know I was snubbed.
Clearly, getting irritated, being grumpy or short with people, a rude tone of voice, holding grudges – all of these are not how Christians should behave. In fact, to be baldly honest, they are all sins. They describe sinful behavior. Not just undesirable behavior, or socially awkward attitudes. They are wrong, an affront to a holy God who has called us, sent His Son to die for us, an affront to the Holy Savior who bore all our sins and died on a cross for us, and an affront to the Holy Spirit who lives inside of us to change our hearts and minds and transform us into new creations.
Pastor Lee makes it clear that all of these things cannot be done in our own strength. He admitted that all of the things in this chapter are impossible to do on our own. And the opposite behaviors are our natural tendency. When we fail (which is all the time) we should repent, turn to God, admit our behavoir is wrong, and actively seek His power and help to change.
Black Water
What does patience look like? During one sermon I realized that some of the latest conflicts in my house and at work were due to my habit of speaking in shorthand. I have developed a bad habit of starting many conversations in the middle. I seem to assume the person I’m talking to is aware of the internal conversation I’ve been having with myself for the past few minutes, or hours, or days. And then I get upset or frustrated when they respond in their ignorance of my internal conversation.
Maybe it’s related to a desire to be efficient. We’re all busy and have many things to do, so the less time we spend rehashing and spelling out details, surely the better off we are. We can quickly move on to something else. I’m now trying to be more conscious of what I’m going to ask someone. I ask myself whether I need to be clearer in describing what I was thinking about or assuming that led up to the question I want to ask or task I want them to do.
Another area where I need patience is when my ‘need to be understood’ is rearing its ugly head. This is closely related to the internal conversation dilemma. I will not always be understood. Even close friends and family will not always know or be able to understand me. And its likely that at any given moment it is more important for me to seek to understand the other person instead.
Relationships can be so much work, and often get messy. Relationships can be so easy and provide encouragement and support and laughter. They are worth the effort, but it is too easy to focus on the wrong things. We all talk about how busy we are and how much we are all doing. That is probably true and we should evaluate our lives to see if we are doing too much, sacrificing excellent things for time spent doing too many good things. But often, what we are really saying is we are so busy doing things we are called to do, serving others as God has given us opportunity, that we don’t have “me time.” Time to spend on my own personal pursuits or hobbies.
This can lead us to get impatient and even rude with others because they are keeping us from something else we had planned to do. But really, how much “me time” do I need? And which is more rewarding and encouraging, time spent serving God or time spent watching tv or reading a novel? Being patient and present with people, showing love, makes them feel valued. We all know we appreciate when someone really pays attention to us, takes time to see us, listen to us, and really understand where we are at that moment.
Besides, being rushed and stressed instead of accepting where we are makes us anxious and worried. Then we aren’t a blessing to others, and we don’t bring glory to God.
The Doobie Brothers song Black Water has these lyrics
And I ain’t got no worries
‘Cause I ain’t in no hurry at all
We can be impatient, in a hurry, rushing through life and past people. Or we can be patient, kind, gentle, not insisting on our own way, and loving. And that usually means we have less worries.
Bearing and enduring
According to a personality test I took in grad school, my job right now is a very bad fit for me. I’m not one of those people who thrives in critical situations or turning around struggling projects. Yet I’m supporting a tool that is mostly used during critical situations when tempers are already flaring and our project is in serious need of turning around. Add in the economy and the reactions by the company to that economy that keep reducing our labor force and increasing our workload, and I’m usually not in a good place at work.
I feel the stress when I’m not able to do my job well and knowing my team is working as hard as they can, and I have customers sending me more emails and instant messages and phone calls to explain why their one request is really the most important one. At these times my tendency is to get frustrated, angry, irritated, and grumpy.
As Pastor Lee has taught, these are the times I need to proactively prepare for. With prayer before the day starts, with responses composed when I am calm that I can use when I’m not calm, and then with prayer and a present awareness of God’s love for me and His calling me to sanctification while I’m in the middle of the emails or chats or phone calls. I have to remind myself not to take it all personally. I should do good work, and be concientious. But my identity is not in how good I look at work or even really how well I seem to handle the stress.
My identity is in Christ. I am a Child of God and I am indwelt by the Holy Spirit. God is passionate about my holiness and He will use whatever it takes to change me. This includes all the interruptions, problems, and policy decisions at work. None of those are hindrances or evidence of God’s lack of love or attention. Every single one of them is an instrument in the hands of the God of love. My goal is to joyfully accept what God gives me each and every moment of the day. And when I fail to meet that goal, or find myself in the midst of the struggle to meet the goal, I must turn to Him. That’s really what he’s trying to show me, that I need Him every moment of the day. (Yes, I’m talking about my favorite term, non-sufficiency again.)
RC Sproul Jr. said in his recent Ligonier Connect course on Understanding God’s Sovereignty in Suffering, joy is the settled conviction that God is able, and He is for me. That is what I seek: joy. And being intentional about understanding and appreciating love, being loving in all my relationships and thoughts, words, and actions are ways to be joyful and evidence of that joy. My God is an awesome God!
First published in the HARP Newsletter Spring/Summer 2014
cries of greeting – long lost friends welcomed
harmony of the message sung, a gift from us
the Word preached
hymns shared among brothers and sisters
“Gator-watch” as we approach the canal road
calls of “Gator”
Where? I don’t see it. Ooh, that one’s big, go the replies
silence of the alligator, head visible in the water
twang of the bungee
click of the poles
thump of the tent cover
aaahhh, shade
scream of the mitre saw
droning of the vibrator saw
finishing touches of the saws all.
drills and screw drivers zoop zoop
slide of the doors at Lowe’s
shirr of the blinds pulling up and down
splash of the hose to clean
whirr to remove the screws
bang bang bang for the bumps
stick of the spackle
scrape of the sandpaper, get it all smooth
swish the damp cloth to clean it all
laughter in every room
squelch of the paint roller
swish of the brush
“I need more paint”
a quiet “oh no” on the nursery floor
Is it dry?
Does it need another coat?
It’s beautiful! I love it!
wheels turning on the cart at Lowe’s
screams of the lizard finders
Hey, wanna see a frog?
plonk of the rocks in the lake
thunk of a corn hole bag
clicks of stick swords and the happy yells of children
shhh from the after-hours pool crowd
knock, knock – no one is there, “cute”
roar of the trains
TRAIN goes the shout through the halls
calls in the gale winds jerking the tent apart
“the doors” – run the dry cabinet doors in before the torrential rains
high school girls singing “I’m so fancy”
hey sailor, mutant jellyfish, hit the deck, giggles and games
“Can I talk to my dead grandmother?”
hum of the floor cleaner, early morning at Lowe’s
satisfying snap of the floor boards connecting together
buzz of the rasp, Joe files the countertop edges flush
pop of a nailgun – quarter-rounds secured to the edging
clank of the plastic-ware
chop chop of the cheese and chicken
slurp of iced tea and lemonade
did you get enough to eat?
“here’s your peanut butter and jelly sandwich”
twist my arm to eat another chicken nugget
rumble of the Diesel engine
chirp of the price scanner at Lowe’s
murmur of conversations, bonds forming, friendships growing
click goes the hotel room door
spray of the shower
crumple of sheets under tired servants
It’s funny that my last post on this blog was the 2013 mission trip to Canal Point. And I’m back here because I have something from the 2014 Canal Point mission trip that I want to post 🙂
Anyway, I’m back and will put some thoughts out here from time to time.
These are not my dogs, but they love me 🙂 Well, Nilla loves me. Doodles may just like me.
We had three shifts today. The 7 am van took work supplies and got started on construction. Robert, Jerry, and Trent started taking some rotting wood from one front corner of the entrance. Trent also started taking off some skirting and clearing a path to put edging and the plan is to lay pea gravel. Great progress was made on all but plenty more to be done tomorrow.
The second van was scheduled to leave at 7:30 am but got off a bit late. This van took Linda and Clara back to Walmart to pick up cold foods for today. We already spent a few hours yesterday at Walmart and BJ’s picking up dry foods, etc.
The third van left around 8 am and drove straight to Canal Point. They beat van 2 this time. Once all were at the church Pastor Bill took the younger crew, including Jill and Beth, to a Haitian mission where the children were reviewing the lessons and singing the songs they learned last week at VBS. the mission group had a good time there and then visiting a few other sites.
Linda and Clara had a great lunch ready for a sweaty and hungry crew at 11:45. Then the men got back to work while most of us started getting ready for VBS. We put up decorations and reassigned teachers to cover blanks left by the crew members who couldn’t come.
Linda and Clara started on dinner. Anthony, Connie, and Ryleigh are the primary actors in the nightly skit. Bethany and Jenna are doing crafts with things prepared by Tina (transported on Jerry’s truck). Pastor Bill is doing the oldest class, Beth is teaching the next oldest class. Connie and Madeleine are teaching the kindergarten class while Hannah and Ryleigh lead the pre-k class. Music is led by Laura (me) and recreation is coordinated by Anthony with help from Spencer and a young man from the church here.
Today was a great success! We had 11 kids show up for VBS and we all had a great time. We look forward to doing this 4 more times this week! Thank you all for your prayers and support.
In my reading I am occasionally revisiting the era of the founding of the Unites States. I’ve read a biography of George Washington, John Adams, and just this week one on Thomas Jefferson. Another book, from Thomas Nelson publishers that fit in with this era was called The Founders’ Key by Larry Arnn. The subtitle is “the divine and natural connection between the Declaration and the Constitution and what we risk by losing it”. The book is a response to a practice I had missed in our politicians. That of stating support for the Declaration of Independence, but distancing it from the Constitution. As if the two documents are opposed to each other.
The book was well written in clarifying the points in the Declaration that were not only against the form of government that England was imposing on the States, but also showing the form of government that the Declaration demonstrated was a better way. Then the author shows how the Constitution is a natural product to implement just that kind of government that the Declaration identified as better. The case is made in eight chapters that are clear and easy to follow for the most part. The second half of the book is a collection of the original documents referred to in the first half. This includes the Declaration and the Constitution, of course. Plus the specific letters from the Federalist Papers that are referred to most frequently.
The book is fairly timeless, which is a strength. It refers to a few specific politicians and recent events, but the scope is the unchanging purpose of the Declaration and the Constitution and why the vision that led to those documents is not outdated due to the passage of time. I was intrigued enough, however, to want to learn more about what current politicians actually are saying to themselves to be able to say one document is good while the other is not. I think any book that covers its chosen topic while also stimulating interest in related topics has done a good job.
**********************
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
A group of women at my church are reading through Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. The main character is Much-Afriad and she is journeying to the High Places of her Lord. While on this journey she is being pursued and harried by her cousins Pride, Resentment, Craven Fear, and Self-Pity.
At one point she was cornered by all 4 and finally called out to The Shepherd to save her. A few pages later she recited Psalm 27:6 and thought about how rough it must be to be an enemy of the Lord. All of this coming so close together made we look at the Psalms differently than I ever have. I’ve always struggled with the part of the Psalms that talk about enemies and false witnesses. Probably because I’ve lived a fairly safe and maybe even cowardly life, I don’t have many enemies to talk of. But Much-Afraid is grappling with her own voices of Pride and Self-Pity so I suddenly realized those were enemies I can relate to. Now when I read those lines in the Psalms I can apply them to my life.
It was also interesting that the Psalm she quoted was Psalm 27. A few months ago at our church Wednesday night lesson on feasts and festivals, it was mentioned that the people would recite Psalm 27 for one of the feasts so I decided to memorize it. It is a demonstration of my lack of focus that over 2 months later I am still not done memorizing the 14 verses in that Psalm. But each verse has been important to me and it is changing how I pray.
Psalm 27:1 begins
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
That includes those voices trying to steal my Truth. That leads right into verse Psalm 27:2
When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall.
It does feel like I’m under attack sometimes when my fear and pride and resentment get going. Especially when helped along by some hormonal storming.
The latest verse I’m memorizing is Psalm 27:12 and when I was struggling with fears about an issue at work this is what calmed me down and reminded me I am protected.
Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.
That is what it felt like as my anger and frustration and fear kept trying to make me feel terrible and alone and weak. Those are false witnesses. That is NOT who I am. What is my only hope in life and death? That I am not my own, but belong, body and soul, both in life and death, to God, and to my Savior Jesus Christ. (Question 1 of the New City Catechism)
Verses Ps 27:4-5 have brought me back to calm peace and trust.
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.
For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will life me high upon a rock.
Then Ps 27:6 is the one Much-Afraid quoted in the book I mentioned above.
And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.
He is faithful! He hides me in his shelter. I have prayed the words of Psalm 27 many times in the past 2 months. Much-Afraid tries hard to ignore the voices of her enemies. She stuffs cotton in her ears at one point. But then she finds that singing songs of praise works even better at drowning out their voices. That is what Psalm 27 has become for me – I will sing and make melody to the Lord!
