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The topic is Unpacking Forgivness by Chris Brauns. It is a great book, well written, and needed.

I’ve talked about this book before and I will continue to talk about this book. You need to read this book, no matter who you are or where you are in your walk. If you’ve read it, you probably need to read it again. I thought this little exchange would be a great way to bring it back up on the blog. And since I’ve had plenty to say but haven’t posted anything since July I obviously need to restart things with something simple.

Any time anyone even sort of asks for my opinion on a good book for personal or group study, I will bring up Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns. My Circle has been going through this for 10 months now and I love the level of engagement from everyone of them. They have always read the chapter, they always dig into the meat of the subject. It’s something that matters and, sadly, this book has a lot to teach us about forgiveness because our culture isn’t dealing with it.

So, back in the summer I mentioned it to a friend who then apparently passed it on to another friend. This is the email I found in my mailbox this morning:

Laura,

I have an interesting question for you, from chapters 11 and 12. A friend was reading exerpts on the internet because she might want to use it in a Bible study. She came across a test question about whether it is always right to forgive. The answer was no, and it was cited that God does not forgive the unrepentant. It said this would be discussed in chapters 11 and 12, but it did say that a view of our always forgiving was too simplistic. My friend questioned whether this view is Biblical and wanted me to ask, since I recommended the book because you had told me you were studying it. I’d welcome your response to her question. Since I have not read the book, I have no idea if what she read on the internet was accurate. Thanks!

I thought it was a great question. It’s why Chris Brauns starts his book with that little quiz. We all think we know what forgiveness is. And he does a great job of getting our attention when we realize we flunked the quiz on what we thought were the easy questions. 🙂

I sent her a response knowing and hoping she would send it on to her friend with the questions. It doesn’t begin to cover what the whole book says – that’s why there is a whole book. But I realized as I was typing that what most strikes me as I read this book for the 3rd time in 3 years is the definition of forgiveness requires so much more of us than we think. I think most of our “forgiving” is closer to “not forgiving” than true forgiveness.

The rest of this post is what I sent as my response – this got my juices flowing at 6am!

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Yeah, a lot of us missed that question on the quiz. We think it sounds holier to say we will forgive everyone 🙂 And that is probably the root of why the entire study is so helpful. He challenges our current cultural attitude that we must always forgive everyone everywhere, even Hitler and serial killers who never think they did anything wrong. But then, if we say we should always forgive because God always forgives, we deny the reality of Hell. And Hell is quite Biblical.

In chapter 1 Brauns points out some things about God’s forgiveness

1. God’s forgiveness is gracious but not free – God bought that gift at an infinitely high price, purchased at the expense of the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ
2. God’s forgiveness is conditional. Only those who repent and believe are saved
3. God’s forgiveness is a commitment
4. Forgiveness lays the groundwork for reconciliation
5. Forgiveness does not mean the elimination of all consequences

A definition of God’s forgiveness: A commitment by the one true God to pardon graciously those who repent and believe so that they are reconciled to him, although this commitment does not eliminate all consequences.

A definition of forgiveness for Christians: A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated.

He then goes on to say that Christian forgiveness is a commitment to the repentant and it is not automatic. But then he does say that Christians must always forgive the repentant. If someone repents then we must forgive. And that forgiveness is a commitment and the beginning of reconciliation.

Chapter 2 immediately gets to the root of our problems. It discusses the difference between therapeutic forgiveness (the only person you hurt when you refuse to forgive is yourself) and biblical forgiveness.

There are a whole lot of good points in this chapter that makes the case for why saying forgiveness is just a feeling and is ceasing to feel resentment or bitterness is incomplete and not biblical.

But then he says “Therapeutic forgiveness results in “cheap grace” and a reluctance to identify and name evil….when it is assumed that Christians ought to forgive automatically, it is not long before people begin to assume that God ought to forgive automatically.” p69

He talks about how cheap forgiveness prohibits healing in the Christian community, how it can encourage someone to avoid dealing with their sin, how it can leave Christians unprepared for true persecution.

For me the great point that Brauns is making is that forgiveness is a commitment to pardon the offender. In a later chapter he points out that when you forgive someone, you don’t just say “I accept your apology” and then don’t talk to them ever again. You restore your relationship with that person.

He has so much more that’s wonderful in here. He talks about why we need to be humble. He talks about when something isn’t even worth ‘forgiving’, just let it go. He talks a lot about how to work through forgiveness when someone has really hurt us and then comes to us repentant. And he talks about tough stuff – a rapist and his victim, a young boy and the man who molested him. He isn’t just talking about holding a grudge against Sally for sitting in your pew at church. He’s talking about real offenses that can’t just be ignored.

But now let’s jump to chapter 11: “How should a young mother remember her father who repeatedly molested her, never took any ownership of his offenses, and is now dead? How should parents remember their child’s killer who never took responsibility? How should New Yorkers remember the terrorists of 9/11?” He introduces a few principles here

Principle 1. Resolve not to take revenge.

Not the same as punishing justly, of course. He talks about the hollywood style revenge we might contemplate when a heinous crime is committed. But he also talks about the “garden-variety revenge that many cultivate regularly” and lists things like this one “Parents resent their adult children changing churches. Over the years they make small hurtful remarks designed to show disapproval.”

Principle 2. Proactively show love

• “we are to use our mental energy creatively to plan a response that will end the cycle of violence” p135

Then chapter 12

Principle 3: Don’t forgive the unrepentant but leave room for the wrath of God

“Jesus told his followers that we ought to forgive people as many times as they ask for forgiveness (Luke 17:3b-4). But what about those who do not ask for forgiveness?”

He then refers to Deut. 32:35, 43. Then Romans 12:19. Then 2 Tim 4:14-15.

“It is not recorded that Paul ever forgave Alexander. He did not pardon his behavior. On the contrary, Paul told Timothy that he was resting in the truth that God would repay Alexander for his deeds, and he wanted Timothy simply to ‘beware’ of Alexander.”

Anyway – I could repeat the entire book here. It is very biblical. He is very careful to point that out on every page of every chapter. And if forgiveness were something we clearly understood we wouldn’t need a book about it. It is a great challenge to our thinking and at the end of it, instead of leading us to forgive less, I think it teaches us to forgive more correctly and completely.

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[Note: By the way, what you probably don’t know is that Chris Brauns regularly checks in when his book is mentioned. I kind of expect a visit on this blog from him sooner or later as a result of this post. He’s commented (politely) on prior posts about this book. I hope he’ll point out if he thinks I’ve misrepresented anything here. But of course, mostly what I hope is that you’ll read the book, study the Bible, and consider what you need to learn about forgiveness.]

Back in April I was posting on the chapters in the book Trust God by Jerry Bridges. I ended with chapters 5 and 6 and then didn’t come back to it here. I actually stepped away from that book, although not forgetting its lessons. But I am still struggling. Mostly I’m just not content – more like frustrated and irritated and impatient.

I’ve still been searching and praying and hoping it would all sink in, and the Holy Spirit would have something to work with to reform me. Some days my shortest prayer is “I believe, help my unbelief” but more often it’s just the short “Change me” that I throw out.

This month has been more of the same. The free audio book from Christian Audio last month was Hearing God by Dallas Willard. I downloaded it right at the end of the month and started listening. It’s been interesting because I am arguing with the book a little bit. Partly because I know that this is an author who is right on some things and not necessarily right on others. (I actually know that is true about all authors, and the good ones tell you that about themselves. But I’ve approached this book with extra care.) Perhaps I want to believe it so much I’m leery of the message.

Anyway, it’s made for great listening because I actually pay attention to it all and then journal and think and study to see how I really understand the points he’s making. For example, Dallas Willard was talking about the will of God and when something isn’t the will of God. For example, when someone sins or does something in direct contradiction to God’s word. A firm believer in God’s sovereignty over everything takes issue with that pretty easily. But I also understand where he is coming from. But for some reason this bugged me a bit, perhaps as I was struggling with my bout of lassitude and trying to clarify my role versus God’s will.

I turned first to Jerry Bridges – chapter 7 of Trusting God as a matter of fact. He has some vocabulary there to help as he states:

Our duty is found in the revealed will of God in the Scriptures. Our trust must be in the sovereign will of God…” p121

He actually started the chapter with this “The knowledge of His sovereignty is meant to be an encouragement to pray, not an excuse to lapse into a sort of pious fatalism.” p113

Then it gets even deeper. In my daily reading I’m back to the book of Job and we happen to have picked up a book on the book of Job by Derek Thomas. That book isn’t quite what I was expecting so far, but on the first page he points us to Calvin’s Institutes 1:15-18 so I pull down our version of the Institutes (thanks Beard!) and start wading into the deep end with Calvin. It’s on God’s providence and scripturally shows how all is under His sovereign control even when the person is clearly going against God’s revealed will.

Now, it sounds like I’ve gotten way off track, but I am struggling at work right now because I don’t like it, I don’t like the interruptions and the work load and the helpless feeling of not being able to accomplish good work and even when I do not having a moment to appreciate it before the next impossible problem comes along. But what Trusting God (and all kinds of resources and Bible reading over the past few years) has shown me is that I am wrong to be do discontented with where God has put me. And I want to fix that attitude. I want to love God so much that I will be happy wherever He has me.

Add on to all of that the fact that yesterday was a crummy day. I got very stressed out over 3 different things (all at once, so I was very efficient about it). My prayers were not very humble or God-honoring and I was quite disappointed at the end of the day (in my self). Will I never grow? We’ve (God and me) been working on this for awhile, surely I am trainable enough that I could change a little bit by now?

Well, my God is an awesome God (I love that song) and He speaks to me and sometimes, when I open my ears, I hear Him! (see, Dallas Willard is rubbing off on me already 🙂

This morning I got one of those emails from LinkedIn with links to articles you may find interesting. Often they are about computer security (I found one today I wish the entire Windows support team at work would read), or on how to treat your employees well, or how to manage your boss, or how to multitask (remember the rant on that earlier this month?).

Today there was an article on reducing stress. You better believe I clicked on that thing! And God spoke to me, like he was saying “if you won’t listen to Me this way, let me try another language”. Go ahead, click on the link and read it. It won’t take long and it’s a nice read. (Doesn’t it remind you a bit of what I learned about someone stepping on my story?)

By the way, I love the interview with Louis C.K. and I agree with him completely, but for some reason I still couldn’t translate it into my issues at work.

So, my new strategy (which is an old strategy, note the name of my blog) is to lower my expectations from perfection, change my expectations about what I’m supposed to get done every day, and get used to not getting what I want, except really I am seeking to change what I want so that when I get whatever I get, it’s what I wanted and I’m happy – content.

See, another book I have sitting here for a re-read is The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs and this is what I’m after:

Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.

I feel like a broken record, there is this post from earlier this year. But this topic is top of my “things I want changed” and I will keep working on this until I’m changed.

Trying to define how I felt yesterday I came up with lassitude and looked it up to see if I was right. It fits.

But of course I had to then click on Languor, which led to Lethargy which led to the synonym discussion below.

lethargy, languor, lassitude, stupor, torpor mean physical or mental inertness. lethargy implies such drowsiness or aversion to activity as is induced by disease, injury, or drugs <months of lethargy followed my accident>. languor suggests inertia induced by an enervating climate or illness or love <languor induced by a tropical vacation>. lassitude stresses listlessness or indifference resulting from fatigue or poor health <a depression marked by lassitude>

Just so you have the vocabulary.

Then today, while reading further in the biography of Amy Carmichael, A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot, I ran across a few things. First up is Mathew Arnold’s tribute to his father in Rugby Chapel, found on page 225.

If in the paths of the world

Stones might have wounded thy feet,

Toil and dejection have tried

Thy spirit, of that we saw nothing.

To us thou wast still

Cheerful and helpful and firm…

Languor is not in your heart,

Weakness is not in your word,

Weariness not on your brown.

Hm… no languor or weariness. I’m not up to that, obviously.

In the chapter before that Amy wrote this prayer-poem (p 221)

From prayer that asks that I may be

Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,

From fearing when I should aspire,

From faltering when I should climb higher,

From silken self, O Captain, free

Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,

From easy choices, weakenings,

(Not thus are spirits fortified,

Not this way went the Crucified,)

From all that dims Thy Calvary,

O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,

The faith that nothing can dismay

The hope no disappointments tire

The passion that will burn like fire,

Let me not sink to be a clod:

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

A tad convicting and a good reminder for someone feeling a bit like a clod this week.

This morning I received a call from another woman in my denomination. Not someone I’m very close to, but we do get along well and share values and traits. She asked how I was doing and I forgot to give the usual response 🙂 I gave a fairly honest answer that work has me stressed these days and I’m tired. She shared such encouraging words with me and prayed for me (and both of us) before we ended the call. God is surrounding me, and I’m trying to listen and live out the truth.

Well, this post doesn’t seem to be very organized, and the points that were brought home to me today may not be clear to anyone else reading this. But my God is good and faithful and that is the important part.

 

Back to Trusting God by Jerry Bridges.

Chapter 5 is about God’s control over the nations. This is like taking the previous chapters and taking them to the highest and largest application. Just as He is sovereign over people, He is sovereign over the people in charge of a nation, and the collective actions and decisions and results of those people as the government of a nation, the ruler of the nation, and even the military forces of a nation.

He points out that in the West, we tend to not think that much about our government and God’s sovereignty because we don’t feel the government impacting our lives on a daily basis, unlike countries where persecution is common. However, there is plenty of concern and fear about even our government some days. It is good to remember who is in control.

Yet, here’s the catch. He is talking about the book of Daniel in the Bible, which is heavy on discussion of the nations and God’s sovereignty. He concludes that “Daniel realized that God’s sovereignty and God’s promise were intended to stimulate him to pray.” (p95) This should be our response, not hand wringing or bemoaning, but prayer. Daniel also wasn’t afraid of being involved in the government of his day.

Chapter 6 moves on to God’s sovereignty over nature. He starts by showing God’s control over the weather. He brings the good and the bad weather, the part that nourishes the land, and the disasters that strike.He attacks our habit of complaining about the weather as a sin, complaining against God.

Not only do we sin against God when we complain about the weather, we also deprive ourselves of the peace that comes from recognizing our heavenly Father is in control of it. (p101)

He admits the struggles we have with natural disasters that cause deaths and hardship for so many. While we do not understand all the reasons why God allows or brings disasters, we must not remove them from His control.

The next topic is physical infirmities – handicaps like blindness and physical pain, and diseases like cancer. All of these are also under God’s control. Again, we cannot always know why. They are not always a sign of God’s judgment, but always a way for God to be glorified. We can trust God is in control.